The rules are
1. Post the button and link to Jaycee deLorenzo, the creator of the Magic 8 Ball MeMe
2. Share an excerpt from your current WIP, perhaps something you're struggling with, are stuck on, or just can't "get right."
3. Ask a question about your excerpt. It can be something easy such as "What do you think?" or something more in-depth, such as "Can you suggest a better way to word such-and-such," or "How can I make the emotions in this scene more realistic?"
4. Tag 8 people. (I won't be doing this, but I invite anyone who is having trouble with a piece to snaffle this baby.)
I don't tend to have a lot of trouble with my writing. Hitting a bump often makes me step back, do something unimportant and let it simmer. Or I'll end up ranting at my other half until his attempts to understand what I'm on about creates an epiphany.
So let's go with my query for my Paranormal Novella, Golden Dawn. I'm not the best on queries, it's on par with my ability to write a coherent synopsis (it tends to get away from me), and go through so many attempts.
Due to my constant tinkering, this is version ... seven.
Herald, eldest son of a bloodthirsty strigoi, endured two centuries of hell before escaping into the human world. He watched, helpless, as his twin brother was murdered by the very villagers his father insists on raiding. Though he has reservations about his father's human-only diet, Herald has nevertheless devoted all of his 1100 years towards protecting his family from outsiders.
Bewildered by his orders to guard the giant crystal held within the castle, Herald doesn’t expect it to hold the spirit of an angel. She is his father's failed attempt to gain true immortality. One he cannot be rid of. Breaking the crystal would free her, but the uncontained magic would level their sheltered valley. Herald's deranged sister doesn't care. She'd rather risk destruction than let the angel influence another sibling.
When the angel's continued existence becomes more important to Herald than his siblings, it results in that sister's death and his banishment. But the angel has taken mortal form in preparation to leave this world and her immortal-gifting blood is free for the taking. Now Herald must decide whether his true loyalty lies with his family or his heart. Either choice will demand death. Only the right path will ensure the life taken is not his.
GOLDEN DAWN, complete at 33,000 words and the first in a trilogy of novellas, is a Paranormal with romantic elements, loosely set in the 1500’s.
I want to make it plain that I am after opinions, so don't hesitate in giving your thoughts, I shall be taking them all in.
On the flip-side, if you're also struggling with your query, Unicorn Bell is dealing with them all week long.