Saturday, 5 May 2012

Dust it Off Bloghop - The Excerpt

The fifth of May has come. Time for another entry in the Dust It Off Bloghop! hosted by Theresa Paolo and Cortney Pearson.
For those of you who haven’t read my last entry, I’ve chosen the first-person version of The Rogue King.

The second day: Post your favourite excerpt (300-350 words)
This interaction between Kael and his best pal, Frisk, has long been my favourite (especially the ‘three halves’ bit). But in the switch from first-person to third, it was one of many pieces sacrificed as the characters grew beyond their original boundaries. And it occurred to me that, as a merchant’s son, Frisk would have a better understanding of numbers.
Let me just set the scene.
Frisk has brought in a pie-like pastry full of walfre meat (the planet’s version of a camel, though a sort of shaggy, lizard-appearing mammal). Point of view is Kael who, after taking a bite of said pastry, is informed by his father that he’s part walfre.
[This is exactly how it appears since I last touched it in 2008. I cringe at the badness even as I adore my goofy Frisk.]

“What? From who?!”
“From both of us!” My mouth dropped open again and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Frisk in the same pose.
“When … when did you find out?”
“I’ve always known. Your mother is a Raptereon-walfre hybrid and I‘ve always assumed I was the same.”
“Instead, you’re half Raptereon, half walfre and half Trexen.” There was a long pause as both my father and myself stared at Frisk.
“That’s three halves, you twit.” I pointed out to my friend. “You can’t have three halves.”
“You can’t? Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. It’s three thirds.”
“My point is.” Father interrupted. “I don’t eat my own kind.”
“But walfres are just stupid animals.” Frisk insisted. “You can eat animals. That’s what they’re there for.”
“Klif is an animal.” Dad quietly replied. “You wouldn’t eat him, would you?”
“But he’s not stupid. Besides, he’s a predator. I was talking about prey animals, like wikia, and walfre, and …” Frisk faltered as my father silently folded his arms across his chest and glared at him. “Perhaps I should stop talking.” He squeaked.
“That would probably be a wise idea.” Dad agreed before walking into one of the many bedrooms that were put aside for us.
“Man.” Frisk said in an explosive gust of breath once my father had shut the door. “Your father can be scary when he wants to be.” I thought back to the recent threat dad had given me and this was nothing compared to it.
“You thought that was scary?”
“Kael, I’m terrified of my own father and your dad can tower way over mine. They always said Trexens were part mountain and he surely favours his Trexen heritage.” Frisk glanced over me out of the corner of his eye. “You on the other hand, must favour the short side of the family.”
“I’ve still got a few more years to grow.” I growled.
“Yeah right.” He snorted. “I bet you’ll still fit those clothes by the time this journey is over and I will need a new set before we’re even halfway done.”

14 comments:

  1. "Perhaps I should stop talking." Ha! I think I've used this line three times this week. I know how he feels. lol. I love the joking banter and Frisk is the type of character I would fall in love with. I would totally keep reading :)

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    1. Frisk never lost that jokey side either. He's just not so goofy now.
      Though he's always been a lady's man. ^_^

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  2. "They always said Trexens were part mountain." Lol! Great excerpt!

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    1. lol. We'd all be short in a trexen's world. Six foot is considered short to them. And daddy is eight feet tall.

      You think he would've noticed something was different.

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  3. So funny! I loved the quirkiness!

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  4. I really felt for you when you said that you cringe at the badness. I completely felt that way about mine too. However, this is a good excerpt, and you only think its bad because you know how much better you can do. Good job.

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    1. It's the best of the bad. My favourite only because Frisk is such a goof.

      Maybe I should put up the rewrite some time for comparison. Eh? ^_^

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  5. Talk about odd dinner conversation. Oh, by the way, you're part whatever you're eating. ;) I love the banter between Kael and Frisk. (And I'm rather partial to Kael's name, too. I have a Kael in my WIP, same spelling.)

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    1. Yeah, you are, but daddy's original diet gives him a strange outlook on meat.

      I've been teased by the family for years everytime I mention Kael. "Small leafy vegies" keep popping into the conversation. I've grown so tired of eye-rolling and explaining his name is not kale. >_>

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  6. I liked the 'must favor the short side of the family' line! Very funny. :)

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    1. ^_^
      The few redeeming qualities of the old version: Goofy Frisk and uber-sarcastic Kael.

      Another favourite of mine is when they're headed for one of the moons:
      “The night?” Frisk stammered. “You’re kidding. Why can’t we land in the daytime?”
      “Frisk, think about that.” Kael said, his tone straining to be reasonable. “The Joh Moon is always on the dark side of Thardrandia. So how could we land in the daytime when there isn’t one?”

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  7. Funny! I love the banter. Awww, poor Frisk. hehe.
    He seems like a great character.

    Andrea

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    1. Yes, poor Frisk.
      I feel sorry for him.

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